The pain of not doing it

Is greater than the pain of doing it.

First, two nights ago, on The Late Show with David Letterman, a lovely woman in her late 60s I would say, sang a beautiful Scottish folk song accompanied only by a pianist. I felt embarassed for having considered myself old for this sort of thing just a day before.

Second, on my way to the dentist today, a pick up truck passed me and drove a good five minutes in front of me making sure I see the white painted sign of Just Do It on its back window.

Finally tonight, as I was channel hopping, I fell upon the movie Little Miss Sunshine. It is all about this sort of thing mentioned above. By now I am inspired and am thinking this is all about me and for me. That brought about a decision to call my disc of vocals All About You and Me.

I do that a lot. I had been listing possible names for my book in progress even before I started writing. My favorite was The Big Tease (a word play only those who know Arabic would understand). I found out it is taken by a movie about a hairdresser.

But is this why you called?

No, you called because I couldn't sleep. I am either writing, editing, rehearsing, performing on stage, singing or writing songs all in my head. Instead of finding a way to let all these energies come thru and express themselves, I am writing essays on my blog.

And this sort of thing is the pain of not doing it.

Lantana

Apparently, the flowers above which I remember from Lebanon because we used to suck the sweet ends of its tiny petals are called Lantana. I had not seen one since until two years ago, when I went to the nursery and there they were. They are supposedly perennials and great was my joy in nursing them, taking pictures in their developing stages and waiting for their rebirth the following year. They were nowhere to be found. Last year I did not find any at the nursery. This year, yes. In a tiny pot, two flowers with a different color combination than the ones above, red and yellow, waiting to be strategically planted. I will wait for Diane to show up Wednesday so we can do this with the utmost ceremony owed to this rare and nostalgic for me flower.

Spring Has Sprung

How did the Blue Jay arrive in my garden, when and from where? How can it be that I am here to see it and exclaim "Oh, a Blue Jay!" I did capitalize the B and the J in my exclaiming too. The blue jay started singing and looking to his right with his back turned to me. I followed his gaze and saw that he is looking at the Robin perched on the neighbor's white fence. The next moment, the robin flew threateningly towards the general direction of the blue jay who flew away. The robin kept looking around and advancing towards the baby spruces ligned up between my garden and the neighbors' driveway . I realize this is the robin who had nested in one of the spruces and two baby robins were waiting there. Do baby robins have a different name? Do baby wild doves have a different name? A few years ago, two baby wild doves were born on my air conditioning unit outside my bedroom window. The whole process, from preparing a nest, to laying the eggs, to birth, took a few months. Each time I looked out my window there was something new. The babies stayed there until they could fly. And fly they did one day. I still see many wild doves around the trees and wonder if they are the same ones I sweated for by not turning on the A/C in order not to scare them.

My mom relinquished the garden to me this year. She had to. Her arms hurt. I bought many flowers which I have been planting in a zen like process, slowly enjoying the outdoors, the earth and my newfound freedom in planting my own flowers. Earth, the final frontier.

I have been submerged in thousands of used stamps that I have been organizing for a month now. Way back when Dad used to collect them and I am organizing them saying to myself, once again, if I don't do it, who will? I did all of Europe, the Americas, Australia, New Zealand, Africa (do you know where Benin is?), Lebanon and Armenia. I am taking a breather before I tackle the huge pile that is Asia. Even after that I will need more time to start liberating the rest of the stamps from their prison, i.e. the little envelope parts they are attached to and then start the whole process over. You might as well know, although you are under no obligation and you can close your eyes at this point, that I enjoyed doing this activity more than I thought I would.

So what good is that to the world you might ask? Answer? Anyone? No? Too bad. As soon as I am done with this I promise I will do something for the good of the world as soon as I find out what that something is. So there.

What I ask is that someone sends me the contact of a reliable and trustworthy source to appraise my stamps.